my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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