ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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