Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize