another moral hangover. fuck.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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