i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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