yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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