I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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