he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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