i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Boobs speak an international language.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize