the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
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SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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