He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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