i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
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