I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
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I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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