And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
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in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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