Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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