I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize