I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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