too bad you live with your parents still
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize