i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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