I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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