oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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