Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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