We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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