Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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