I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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