I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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