great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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