we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
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Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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