Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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