"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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