so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
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Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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