Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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