We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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