So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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