A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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