So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize