i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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