i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
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It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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