i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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