Michael Bay diarrhea
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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