is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize