I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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