Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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