just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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