i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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