Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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