The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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