Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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