i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize