I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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